You Need To Be This Wide To Ride The Ride
by dyslexic-Carmie
Summary: Oneshot. Doctor Eggman has an argument with a park manager.


"Sir, may you please step out of the line?" This guy was probably a fan that was going to let him cut to the front.

Eggman smiled he was going to act humble about this. "Oh, I don't mind the little wait. Geniuses like me can wait."

The man frowned. "Sir, I'm going to need you to step out of this line."

"Really, the wait is no problem." The doctor laughed. "I know this is very unexpected to hear from such a celebrity big shot like myself."

"Sir, I don't wish to embarrass you..." The guy paused nervously. "But I'm afraid that your weight must be measured."

So, this dude wasn't a fan. "Excuse me?"

"Sir, will you please follow me to the company scale?"

"Excuse me?" Eggman stayed put.

"Sir, you need to follow me to the company scale."

"I don't want to give up my spot in line."

The man sighed. "Sir, I promise this won't take long."

"I've been waiting for in this damn line for over an hour," the doctor spat. "I had to listen to the whiny kids behind me, and the annoying teenagers in front of me. I'm not giving up this good spot and waiting any longer!"

One of the annoying teenagers twirled around. "Please, like, take him away. He totally sided with Melissa and she's, like, not even hot!"

"You're friend had a more modest judgment."

The guy turned to the teenage girl. "Ma'am will you please turn back around. This conversation doesn't concern you."

The girl huffed and turned around. "Whatever, like, give him the boot. He's, like, so irritating."

"I have you know that-"

The man cut Eggman off from yelling at the teenager. "Sir, I still need you to follow me to the company scale."

"I already told you that I'm not going to give up my spot."

The guy frowned. "Sir, your weight needs to be approved-"

"My weight needs to be approved?" Eggman raised his voice. "I would like to speak to the manager!"

"I am the manager." The manager gave a nervous laugh. "I was just promoted-"

"No wonder you're being rude." The doctor glared. "A novice like yourself should know better."

"Sir, if you want to file a complaint-"

Eggman cut him off. "I'll be sure to file one, after I'm done here."

"Sir, I'm afraid that your weight needs to be measured." The man paused awkwardly. "I really don't want to embarrass you... but your weight might not-"

"That will just be a waste of my time, and your time."

"Sir, keeping this park safe is not a waste of time." The manager frowned. "If your weight is too large, the coaster might not be able to support you. This could cause problems and put the lives of-"

The doctor cut him off. "Having those annoying brats behind me, and those even more annoying teenagers in front of me would be a major improvement to this planet."

The same teenager girl from earlier turned around again. "I, like, totally have so much to offer to this planet. I, like, wrote a letter to Disney channel-"

The man cut the girl off. "Ma'am this doesn't concern you."

"Whatever, just give kick this fatso out of the park already." The teenager turned back around.

"You're a skinny twit that's never going to-"

The manager cut the doctor off. "Sir, will you please not verbally assault the other customers?"

"She started it!"

"I'm not here to draw sides."

"Good, then go away."

The manager sighed. "Once your weight is approved-"

"That isn't necessary."

"Sir, would you please follow me to the company scale?" The guy sighed. He wasn't comfortable with dealing with customers like this. "Or would you prefer to be escorted out of the park by security?"

"I would like to keep my spot in this damn line."

"If your weight is considered safe, then you may have whatever seat you like on the coaster."

The doctor gasped. Whatever seat he wanted? He could take the pretty purple seat, at the very front, before those stupid teenagers got it. "Fine, I'll follow you to the stupid scale."

"I appreciate your cooperation." The manager smiled. "This shouldn't take long, the company scale-"

"You mean I'm going to have to walk back down all those stairs?" Eggman looked horrified at where the guy was pointed. "No deal."

"Sir, it's either follow me or be escorted out of the park by security." The manager took his walky-talky off his belt. "I really don't want to call park security."

Eggman groaned and stepped out of the line. "Fine, I'll follow you to the damn scale."

The man put the walky-talky back on his belt. "Thank you."

"You're stupid park better give me a free ice cream for all this stair walking."

"Sir, its only one flight on stairs." The man gave the doctor a concerned expression. "The park doesn't need to give you-"

"I also would like a free large Diet Coke and a turkey leg." Eggman followed the manager down the flight of stairs.

"Sir, the most we can offer you is a discount-"

"I want my ice cream!"

That man sighed. "Don't worry, sir, I'll get you your ice cream." That was going to be a few bucks off his paycheck.

"And it better have gummy bears, and those colorful sprinkles on it!"

"Certainty, sir." That's two more bucks off his paycheck.

"Oh, and it better be in one of those chocolate dipped waffle cones. Not one of those tasteless sugar cones. I hate those stupid things-"

The manager cut him off. "Sir, will you please step on the scale?"

Eggman took off his shoes and stepped on the scale. "Oh, and I would like two tablespoons of sugar added to my Diet Coke. And it better be pure sugar. I hate that Splenda crap."

"Oh my goodness." The man looked down at the scale.

"And I want my turkey leg to be the size of a-"

The manager cut him off. "Sir, are you by any change wearing some sort of heavy metal?"

"I'm dressed very lightly for a day at a theme park." Eggman looked down at scale. "Goodness! Is the decimal even in the right place?"

The man shook his head. "The company scale is one hundred percent accurate."

Eggman jumped off the scale. "How much do you weight?"

The manger blushed. "I'm about one-hundred-fifty."

"Step on the scale."

The man did as Eggman asked. "It says one-hundred-fifty-two."

"Crap!" Eggman exclaimed. "I was positive that this was some sort of prank scale."

"Sir, I'm afraid that your weight won't be supported-"

"Can I ride it anyway? I've waited so long already."

The manger stepped off the scale. "I don't want to risk the lives of the other customers."

"To hell with them!"

"Sir, I'm really sorry. Your weight is just forty pounds over the-"

"This sucks! I need comfort food."

The man gave an awkward smile. "Well, I did promise you a free ice cream."

"Keep your stupid ice cream. Its probably a disappointment like the rest of this stupid park." Eggman walked off.

* * *

><p>Eggman scrolled through his phone as he waited in the Panda Express line. That damn hedgehog had tagged two more pictures of himself living it up. It wasn't fair. How come when Eggman tried to do something awesome to post on Facebook-<p>

"Sir, what would you like to order?" The employee asked cutting off his thoughts.

Eggman looked up, and put his phone back in his pocket. "Oh-"

The employee cut him off. "Oh my gosh!"

"Excuse me?"

"You're Doctor Eggman! I can't believe I'm meeting you! I'm such a huge fan!"

Eggman smiled amazed. "I'm happy to hear that."

"You have no idea how much I'm freaking out right now!" The employee beamed. "I put every newspaper photo of you and every magazine photo of you I could find on my wall."

"Really?"

"Oh goodness. I can't believe I just said that out loud." The employee gave a nervous laugh. "I'll buy you dinner if you give me your autograph."

"It's a deal." Eggman laughed. "Would you like to take a picture with me?"

The employee's jaw dropped. "Oh my goodness! Yes!"

Finally, Eggman had something interesting to post on Facebook.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**Well, that's the nicest I've ever been to Egghead. Feel free to point out any grammar mistakes. **


End file.
